One of my teenage daughters ran away from home.
This was in the seventies; there were two parents at home, each of us with children, each of us in our second marriage. Together all at once only on weekends, the sound of teenage exuberance was music to our ears. It was not an idyllic home environment but it was usually fun. Karen and I each had three children and there was a seventh child, a teen named Anthony who came home from School with the others one day and stayed. Tony and Bill lived in the empty, maids quarters, a small building on the rear of the property, which also served as a theater. A creative bunch, we often had imprompu presentations, original music, original dramatizations, original, stand up routines, and lots of fun.
It was more than fun. It was vigorous. It was exciting. It was life, it was Love in action. The fly in the ointment was my dependence on alcohol. Though I usually managed to sip slowly the minimum requirement needed to steady my nerves, at least until the family retired for the evening, problems did arise. I was unpredictable. I was rowdy. I was not to be trusted.
It appeared to be my drinking problem that sent my daughter packing. I was managing two businesses at the time and I abandoned them both in Emmy Lou’s absence. My new job was to find my daughter. I was in my car twenty hours a day for two weeks, tracking down leads, learning to be a detective. And, learning not to drink. Eventually the daughter was returned to me. Eventually, I found a way to overcome my alcoholic drinking. But among the memories that stand out was a remark made by my child after she came home. She said to me, “Daddy, why won’t you trust me?”
I had never given much thought to the concept of trust until then. And, I think that it has crossed my mind at least once a day, since that day, half my lifetime ago.
My search for answers unearthed enough material for a book so I will slide right over most of it and reveal the ultimate conclusion of my research:
Who do I trust?
I trust Love.
Note: I believe that God created All That There Is. In order for that statement to be true I must acknowledge that God created Himself because God is at least a part of All That There Is. I also must acknowledge that all has not yet been created, at least if I accept the concept of reality that we here on Planet Earth call Time.
This means to me that God is not just the Start of all Life but also the Result, (which logically belies the Voice of the Naysayer who denies the theory of Evolution, though I am not sure that is important).
ThePower of Love appears to be sufficient to overcome any problem, any Fear. And if God, is not only the Creator but the Created, in order to Love each living member of His Creation, then God’s Love must be Self Love. And, regardless of the difficulty with which I reasoned this to be, like the difficulty involved in understanding the concept of time, the practice of Self Love is the most difficult Love of all. I’m sure that most anyone would agree with that. Do you?
In order to feel Love we must Love ourselves First, because apparently, this is the basic principle of Life. When we Accept and Love ourselves, we are not simply doing God’s Will, it seems to me. We are God’s Will.
Actually, not quite. This story was written, a snatch of syllables at a time while watching the heart warming picture show called “Pay it Forward”. the show just ended. I am still trembling.
Now. That’s all.