Obituary: Kevin Cooper. Founding father. Neither signer nor a whiner, escaped fame but is remembered, nonetheless by those who cared.
This 18th century Kevin went to heaven at the age of forty-seven, precisely at eleven, AM.
Kevin was survived by his twin Brother Devin and an older Brother Nevin and their father. Mr. Cooper, was his name
Now, a Cooper as a Hooper, earns his living barrel hooping and this Cooper also really loved parades.
( So…….He tried his hand at making a float one time but with limited raw materials, eventually settled for rigging wheels on a well hooped and sturdily cooped barrel. Folks in town called his newly designed contraption a wheel-barrel and suggested that he tag along at the rear of the parade with this new contrivance and abetted by a shovel, scoop the poop left behind by pony poopers, as they left their undigested hay…….. in the way……………. of those behind. )
Now, let me tell ya……………….. Kevin Cooper was a super-duper-hooper……..pooper scooper, and became absolutely….. the biggest hit in these parades.
( Hence….. the eventual creation of the word, hit-parade which would arrive in popular language sometime in the twentieth century.)
And, as his popularity increased, the crowd would whoop it up, the loudest of the whoopers, the Cooper Brother Nevin.
Nevin’s daughter however, was frequently a close second and the family called her Whoopee and she married Mr. Goldberg and as a child…… had been a very cute kid.
Whoopee stood beside her Daddy, Nevin Cooper….. and, as the parade passed ….. each vied to be the louder whooper as their super-duper cooper-hooper, pooper scoopin’ family member Kevin, trudged the fetid path with his home-made wheel barrel. He might have finished the parade, observed his twin brother Devin and his older brother Nevin were it not for Kev’s surprise on this particular festive day.
Kevin Cooper, Super Hooper, turned to listen to the Whoopers as he passed them while he scooped along the way.
And as he did so………Kevin slipped on super poop and when he did he flew the coop and in the air he did a loop and banged the scoop as he landed on his head.
Oh…….Poor Kevin, now in Heaven, having left us at eleven, did a Super-duper, Cooper-Hooper, scoopin’ loop d’ loop in his very last parade.…………. Now who…… could ever….. forget… that man.