The attempt to overcome the compulsion to please friends and family is perceived as aggression. Good luck with that if you make that choice.
The decision to be Perfect in order to protect one’s self from the criticism of others is very frustrating. It appears to require increased perfection. Self awareness defining the need to overcpme this apparent weakness defines the Perfect solution (more Perfection).
They who has spent a lifetime protecting themselves from powerful emotion may learn through an eventual trauma, that this skil of Being the Strong Onel is not really useful. But after thinking about the problem there is a statistical probability that the next major life decision will be to become Sronger still.
The child who gets rewarded for being valiant and courageous develops a life habit and subsequent reputation for Trying Very Hard, no matter how difficult or dangerous the challenge. This individual must Fail at everything in order to continue getting that much-needed attention, the perpetual help of others. Attaboy. Keep on trying; you can do it. This individual will probably continue to Try Harder and Harder to get that approval. And if the need for overcoming this life message comes to fore, the most familiar tool in this person’s kit will be the ability to Try Harder and Harder to overcome the habit of Trying Harder.
What is the solution?
There are two very strange characteristics about these types of decisions. The first is that for most of us these powerful life decisions were made when we were between twelve and eighteen months of age. Our best thinking taught us these things. The second is that again, for most of us, the likelihood of other major decisions being made is small. The likelihood of making counter-decisions is most surely never going to happen without help. Other so-called major decisions, most of which have to do with choosing a social life and/or a career are but sub-sets of those childhood declarations made so far below the level of awareness that they are rarely known by those who live by them.
Logic can prevail. But that is a dangerous path in itself.
Love can overcome. Who will be The Lover?
Is it better to wait till that final moment to disrobe?
Or shall we leave a trail of discarded garments as we continue our journey.
Forget the problem. Help someone. Ask them how you think that can best be done.
Then do it if you choose.
We often don’t know how to do anything until someone asks us what needs to be done.
Living a life of being helpful keeps us in new clothes.
Really. I believe that is true.
I see a lot of garments on the path behind me.
A few of them are mine.
Most are not.